She is sitting in the living room she has lived in for forty years, and she asks to go home. Sometimes she has her coat on and her purse in her lap. Telling her she is home may not settle it, and it can make her more upset.
This guide is for family members and caregivers who hear the request regularly.
First, rule out a medical cause
If the request is new, or the person suddenly seems more confused, agitated, or sleepy than usual, call their clinician. A sudden change can come from an infection, a medication, pain, or another illness that needs treatment. Do this before treating the request as part of the dementia.
What “home” may mean
For a person with dementia, “home” can be a childhood house, a time of life, or a feeling of safety and belonging. The request often comes when the person feels lost, tired, anxious, or out of place. Restlessness and confusion can also increase as daylight fades, a pattern the National Institute on Aging calls sundowning.
What to try in the moment
Respond to the feeling. “You want to go home. Tell me about home.” Asking about the house, the street, or the people there can calm the person.
Stay calm and close. Sit beside the person, lower your voice, and slow down.
Check the basics. Hunger, thirst, the need to use the bathroom, pain, being too cold or too warm, and fatigue can all show up as a wish to leave.
Change the scene. A short walk, a snack, a familiar song, folding towels, or looking at photographs can shift attention.
Lower the stimulation. A loud television, many visitors, or a busy room can make the request stronger.
Avoid arguing about where the person is. Avoid promising a trip you will not make, because the person may wait at the door.
Keep the person safe
If the person tries to leave the house, make sure someone can see the doors, and talk with the clinician and family about door alarms and other safety steps. Keep a recent photograph and a description of the person in your Next-of-Kin Box in case they leave and need to be found.
Write down what works
A pattern, if there is one, is easier to see on paper. Each time it happens, note the time, what was going on just before, what you tried, and what helped. After a few weeks, you may see that it comes after a nap, a phone call, or a visitor leaving.
OPA’s free When They Ask to Go Home tool includes a tracking page for this. When a new caregiver or a visiting relative takes a shift, that page tells them what already works for this person.
A first step this week
The next time the request comes, try responding to the feeling first and write down what happened. After five entries, look for the pattern.
If evenings at home have become too much for one person to handle, see how care starts at OPA.
This is general information, not medical advice. Bring sudden changes in behavior or thinking to the person’s clinician, and call 911 if the person is missing or in immediate danger.
For a reliable next step, use National Institute on Aging guidance for dementia-related behavior changes for the official details, then use personal care at home when your family needs to organize support at home.
For a related decision, National Institute on Aging dementia resources can help frame the question, and this site’s Alzheimer’s home-care guide offers a practical next step.
Families can also compare the next handoff with OPA’s Care Coordination Grid.
